JUST ABOUT TO BREAK
by Jean-Huh-Kirschnickerdoodle
Summary: When Reiner is haunted by his recurring nightmare, he begs Bertholdt to make him forget, and Bertholdt never could deny him anything. YAOI. SMUT. LEMON. BERTREINER.


Bertholdt furrowed his brows, pulling his long legs underneath his body as he tried to fall back asleep. Shifting under his sheets, stretching his legs out until one dangled freely over the edge of his mattress, he glared into the darkness. Someone's voice had woken him up, and it took a moment to remember that he was no longer in the barracks.

Most of the 104th Trainees were now more than pleased to have their own private quarters within the Recon Corps HQ, Bertholdt and Reiner being two of the few who had opted to have joint quarters. Not that anyone had questioned it. They grew up together, friends since childhood, from the same village, and it wasn't really a secret that they were _more_ than friends.

Pushing himself up, he sat back on his foot, pulling the dangling knee to his chest, listening to the labored breathing that filled the darkness. He hesitated, knowing exactly what kind of dream his roommate was having, but not wanting to acknowledge it. Bertholdt sighed as he heard a pained whimper, running his fingers through his shaggy black hair.

"Fuck…" He whispered angrily, exasperated.

Not with Reiner, not even with being woken up. He was angry at himself. Angry because he knew Reiner was pulled into this nightmare because of him. Reiner followed him when he seethed with rage over the dancing titan killing the third member of their childhood trio, followed him when he chose to help in the battle against humanity, though neither of them really understood what that meant at the time. They had only been children, themselves.

"S-sor…"

Bertholdt slid off the bed, sighing as he reached over and lit the candle on the table between their beds, barely illuminating the room. _An apology. It's always an apology. I'm the one who should be apologizing. _Shuffling almost silently across the hard floor, he sat on the edge of the blond's bed, reaching over and shaking the shoulder of the well-built young man.

"Reiner! Hey, Reiner!" His voice was hushed, but urgent, and when the blond's body flinched awake, it still managed to startle Bertholdt, whose features quickly softened.

"Bertl…?" Reiner pushed himself up, sheets falling down to reveal his well-built body in a fitted A-shirt, body pale and cold from whatever nightmare he was having. He let out a deep breath of relief as he looked up into those olive eyes which always seemed to be able to calm him.

Bertholdt reached out his hand, barely brushing Reiner's fingertips, and felt his own squeezed by that battle-worn hand. Smiling, he spoke softly. "I'm right here, Reiner, don't worry."

"I…" Reiner hesitated, staring down at their hands in his lap. He looked injured when Bertholdt pulled his hand away and stood, but he never took his eyes off the taller man.

Freshly poured glass of water in hand, Bertholdt settled next to Reiner, leaning back against the wall, with his knees pulled up. Handing him the cup, and encouraging him to drink, he patiently waited until it was returned to him, placing it on the table out of the way. He didn't speak, didn't ask what the dream was about, just sat in silence next to him, an ever-present companion.

"I… I saw that time…"

_Year 845…_ Bertholdt didn't need to wait, though he was kind enough to, because it was the same dream that Reiner always had.

"The breach of Wall Maria… when _we_ breached the Wall. _We_ attacked humanity. I… I killed thousands. I saw them, Bertl….. I saw everyone. They were so small, and the way they just sorta…." Reiner gestured outwardly with his fingers, "POPPED under my feet… it was so unreal."

_You try so hard to forget, don't you Reiner. Convincing yourself you're a soldier, not a warrior. That you're one of them. That you're not a beast. Like me, like Annie._

He felt Reiner shift down and instinctively lifted his arm to let the blond lay against his shoulder, still not looking at each other. More talking into the darkness.

"It was different this time, Bert…" Reiner's voice was hushed, drawing Bertoldt's attention. His expression with withdrawn, remembering things he didn't want to. Or perhaps that he shouldn't have to. "They were there."

When he visually hesitated, Bertholdt broke the silence. "Who?"

Reiner cringed at the question. "Everyone. All of them. Our friends. Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Horseface, Springles, everyone. Even freckles."

The death of Marco had hit the shifters harder than anyone would ever know. Bertholdt could distinctly remember Annie mourning, her tearful apologies, and Reiner telling her apologizing wouldn't bring them back. Seemingly harsh words, but true nonetheless. Even Bertholdt couldn't help wondering what part she played in the freckled teen's death.

"Why were they there, Bertholdt…" Reiner was barely even whispering at this point. "I… we didn't kill them! Why were they there!? Are we killing them!?"

Bertholdt didn't have to look at his companion's face to know tears were streaking his cheeks, and he absent-mindedly pulled that blond head to his chest, holding him near and resting his lips in the short, golden locks. Reiner sobbed, and it was all Bertholdt could do to just hold him close, and shut his own eyes tightly to fight back tears. Tears of regret. Regret over what he had done, regret over how it hurt the person he cared about more than anything.

Slowly Reiner's sobs ceased, his breathing slowed, and Bertholdt started to think he must've fallen asleep. It wouldn't be the first time he had cried himself to sleep in his arms. And then he spoke.

"Make me forget…" His voice was hoarse, vocal cords raw from crying.

"…What?"

"Please, make me forget."

"Reiner, I –"

"I know you can't take the memories away. I know that! But… please, even if just for a little while. Please, Bertl. Please, let me forget." His voice was shaky, and Bertholdt knew he was on the verge of tears again.

Bertholdt swallowed harshly and steeled his nerves. It wasn't that he disliked what he was going to do, on the contrary, it was simply the reasoning behind the request that he was displeased with. _Make you forget, you say. I wish I could make you forget it all, I would sacrifice it all for you to live normally again._

Without bothering to vocally respond to the request, he placed a hand on Reiner's jaw line, pulling his face up toward his own. He covered trembling lips with his own, felt a whimper vibrate against his lips as Reiner most certainly fought back more tears.

He pulled back, kissing Reiner's forehead, cheek, tip of his nose, and each eyelid. _I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. _Kissing along that strong, familiar jaw line, Bertholdt found his way to where he could feel Reiner's pulse pounding against his skin, lips barely brushing his neck. He felt that muscular body arch toward his leaner one, leaning into the lips which were sucking on the tender flesh, teeth digging into the muscle connecting the shoulders to the neck, leaving kiss marks.

He found himself as desperate to lose himself in Reiner as Reiner was to forget everything but the body in front of him. Shifting his weight, he twisted his body around, careful not to leave Reiner's neck or ear neglected as he draped a long leg over the blond's hips, turning his companion to sit comfortably underneath him.

Straddling Reiner's slightly wider hips, Bertholdt placed long hands on each side of his face, green eyes flicking back and forth between the golden ones in front of him. _Like a hawk's_. He saw lips parting to speak, and quickly covered them with his own, desperately forcing his tongue in to taste Reiner's mouth.

Reiner inhaled sharply, left breathless by the sudden kiss, and he nearly clawed Bertholdt's back as he pulled him close, the brunet wrapping his arms tightly around those broad shoulders. He could feel the hips underneath him twitch, a hardening bulge aching to grind against his own, searching for that much-wanted friction.

Bertholdt gladly obliged, rolling his hips roughly, slowly grinding what would soon be painfully hard erections together. Reiner broke the kiss, breathing hard against his lips, biting his own bottom lip. Leaning in, the normally quiet, reserved giant kissed him again, nipping his lower lip without breaking eye contact.

Sliding his hands underneath the edge of the ribbed tank, Bertholdt pushed the shirt up and over Reiner's head, leaving his chiseled, stocky body bare. Leaning down he traced small kisses over that hardened chest, nipping and sucking to leave behind more kiss marks. He lingered, sucking a nipple between his teeth, biting down just a bit roughly and reveling in the sharp gasp that escaped the mouth above him.

Slender hands slid down over that sculpted torso, slipping under the elastic band of Reiner's pajamas. They shifted their weight, the blond lifting his hips as Bertholdt slid the pants off one leg, sliding his hands up muscular thighs to find bare skin. Of course he wasn't wearing underwear. _He never wears underwear._

Shifting to the side, he pulled a now-naked Reiner to his knees, pulling him close and sucking on a nipple as he felt rough hands sliding under the thin cotton of his own shirt, pulling back as the material was pulled over his head, leaving his hot skin exposed and almost chilled.

Bertholdt wasted no time in pulling their bodies close, licking and sucking Reiner's neck, eliciting a moan as the blond began grinding his dripping erection against his long, lean torso. Undoubtedly the friction was sending pleasure into the blond, but it was nowhere near enough to actually bring him to climax.

Shifting his hips enough to pull his own erection from his pants, Bertholdt wrapped long fingers around them both, pumping slowly, rhythmically, letting out a low moan of his own from the new, albeit familiar, sensation. He gripped tighter and pumped faster as he felt a hot hand on the side of his neck, Reiner pulling him into a kiss, nearly devouring his lips.

"Wait, Bertl…" Reiner's voice was strained, breaths panting out from between lips slightly swollen from earlier tears.

Doing as he was told, Bertholdt's hand stilled as he looked into those golden eyes. "What's wrong, Reiner?"

"Not like this. I don't want to finish this way." Reiner averted his eyes, and Bertholdt smiled to himself. _He's blushing._ Few things embarrassed Reiner Braun enough to cause visible flushing. Wanting his boyfriend to fuck him in the ass was definitely near the top of the list of blush-worthy events.

"Whatever you want, Reiner." Bertholdt gave him a quick kiss on the lips before climbing off the bed and digging into their shared chest, which doubled as a nightstand, for a small bottle of clear liquid.

It was Bertholdt's turn to blush when he turned to find a perfectly firm, muscular ass in the air awaiting him, Reiner peaking over his arm at the taller man, who was, frankly, a little stunned. Sitting up on his knees, he looked questioningly at the brunet.

"Everything okay, Bertl?"

Berthold smiled and shook his head. "Everything's perfect. You're perfect." He climbed on the bed behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and Reiner twisted to let their lips meet, his hand trailing over the blond's hips and down his inner thigh.

"Please, Bertl, just fuck me already!" Reiner voice was a near- growl, needy with lust.

"As you wish." Palm to Reiner's back, he gently pushed him back onto all fours, greedily massaging his cheeks to appreciate the view, enjoying the moans it pulled from the blond, more than a little.

Flipping the cap on the bottle, he let the slightly thick liquid drip over his already leaking erection, as well as letting it run down between Reiner's cheeks; the lube had thankfully warmed from being held tightly in his grasp.

Teasingly, he rubbed his hardened dick between Reiner's cheeks, massaging his hole but not entering. The blond moaned with every pass, tilting his hips in hopes of forcing it inside. Despite the admirable attempts, Bertholdt continued to barely nudge against Reiner's entrance, knowing it was driving him crazy.

"God dammit, Bertholdt! Fuck me, already!" This time, Reiner's voice truly was a growl, low, feral, and desperate.

Bertholdt could feel the entrance twitching against the tip of his cock, and he felt his own animalistic hunger taking over as he spread Reiner open and pushed himself inside, slowly , until his hips pressed against the blond's flushing cheeks.

He held Reiner close, hands on his hips, as he ran his tongue up the length of his spine, nipping between his muscular shoulder blades. He held the blond steady as he felt him attempting to rock his hips against his shaft, an almost inaudible whine escaping lips that pouted up at him as Reiner looked at over his shoulder.

Bertholdt watched as Reiner half-closed his eyes as he pulled almost completely out of him. Smiling to himself, he thrust hard and fast, pushing deep within and relishing the view as the blond arched his back, throwing his head back as his eyes widened and a harsh moan forced its way from his lips.

The taller man repeated the motion, gentler this time, slowly pulling back and angling himself in to ensure he'd hit the small nub that made up Reiner's sweet spot. The blond's shoulders slumped, cheek pressed to the sheets, strong hands wrapped around the sheets, failing to muffle his moans despite burying his face into the mattress.

"Oh god, Bertl! More, harder!"

Bertholdt grinned, licking his lips as he gladly obliged. He could feel Reiner tightening around him, knew he was close. Snaking a hand around his waist, he wrapped his fingers around the blond's dripping erection, an easy feat thanks to his long body. He stroked the large, swollen cock in time with his own deep thrusts, thumb massaging over the tip with each pass.

_Please, forget. Forget everything else. Just remember this. Remember me. Live._

Reiner's entire body visibly tensed, muscles flexing into the sculpture he really was, as a strangled moan pushed from his lips, cutting off midway as he came harder than usual, hands clenching around the sheets as he panted heavily into the mattress, drool moistening the sheets as he heard the _splurt-plop_ of his cum dirtying the sheets.

"Hnn, Reiner, it's so hot… so fucking tight… god it's like I'm melting inside you." He let out a little moan as he felt Reiner pulse around him, clenching, and knew it was intentional when a deep-chested chuckled reverberated below him. He smiled, resting his forehead between Reiner's shoulder blades as he felt a slight rocking of hips pushing back against him.

Bertholdt moaned against Reiner's back as he fervently thrust into him, biting down into the nape of his neck hard enough to draw blood in an attempt to muffle the moans that grew in volume as he rode out the waves of his orgasm, coming deep inside of the blond. Gently, he licked the wound he had created, steam rising against his face as he pulled out, Reiner stretching out below him.

He lay next to the blond, pulled him onto his chest and into another kiss, smiling as he looked into those hawk-like eyes. Bertholdt pulled the nearby throw over their bodies and kissed the top of Reiner's head as he laid on his chest, feeling his breathing slow as he began to drift into sleep.

"It's okay now, Reiner. _We're _fine." They both knew they weren't.


End file.
